Jerry Lawler Net Worth
Publish date: 2024-07-19
| # | Quote |
|---|
| 1 | [on seeing Shawn Michaels defeating Bret Hart in Montreal]: I was as shocked as Bret Hart was, but I was not quite as upset! |
| 2 | (about the Spirit Squad) These guys have a future in delivering pizzas. |
| 3 | "I don't think Victoria has been right since that house fell on her sister (referring to The Wizard of Oz (1939)). |
| 4 | (After losing the "Kiss My Foot Match" to Bret Hart at the 1995 King of the Ring) "Bret Hart, I have to admit it, your feet are the smelliest there is, the smelliest there was, and the smelliest there ever will be!" |
| 5 | (Referring to Stacy Keibler dancing on the commentators' desk) "All these curves, and no brakes!" |
| 6 | When most people get drunk, they see snakes. But, when snakes get drunk, they see Jake Roberts! |
| 7 | (When asked if he was an "ass man"): "Well I must be, because everywhere I go people say, 'you're an ass, man!'" |
| 8 | (talking to Michael Coulthard (aka "Michael Cole") "Your proctologist called, he said he found your head". |
| 9 | (Gold medalist Kurt Angle asked the Canadian wrestler, Chris Benoit, if he's such a good wrestler, where are his gold medals?) "Canada never wins any medals!" |
| 10 | You know what they say in Arkansas...manure happens. |
| 11 | You know what they call a good looking girl in Philadelphia...a tourist. |
| 12 | There goes Matt Hardy! Go Matt! ...Oh wait a minute, I'm rooting for the Dudleys...somebody stop Matt! |
| 13 | (about Crash Holly) "Crash is so short, you can see his feet on his driver's licence photo!" |
| 14 | The only reason why Taka Michinoku is here in this country is because there are too many people in Japan. |
| 15 | (about the Legion of Doom) "The older they get, the better they were." |
| 16 | The only reason I lost to Aldo Montoya was the intoxicating fumes there were coming off his body from being around Jake Roberts. |
| 17 | (about Goldust) "He's twisted, perverted... he's sick. Normally, I like that in a person, but..." |
| 18 | I couldn't warm up to Andy Kaufman if we were cremated together. |
| 19 | She's had more hands on her than a doorknob. |
| 20 | (to Michael Cole) "She's not your type. She's not inflatable." |
| 21 | (about Mark Henry) "Look at the lips on that guy, he could french kiss a moose." |
| 22 | Women should be ob-scene and not heard. |
| 23 | (about the Blue Meanie) "He's the reason for separate beds." |
| 24 | (about the Fabulous Moolah) "She was a waitress at the last supper." |
| 25 | When God said 'Let there be light', Mae Young threw the switch. |
| 26 | Prince Albert respects the Big Boss Man so much he'd give him the hair off his back. |
| 27 | (about Mae Young) "Her wrinkles have wrinkles." |
| 28 | If Mae Young is going to breast feed, all that baby's going to get is evaporated milk. |
| 29 | (to Mick Foley) "Hey Mick, where'd you get your haircut? I want to make sure I don't go there by mistake!" |
| 30 | Is it true that the toughest 4 years of your life was the 3rd grade? |
| 31 | (to Macho Man Randy Savage) "Nice outfit, did the bag lady give that to you?" |
| 32 | Jake 'The Snake's' two best friends are Jim Beam & Jack Daniels. |
| 33 | Look at Paul Bearer. Looks like somebody dropped an ugly bomb on him. |
| 34 | What do Jake 'The Snake' Roberts and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up! |
| 35 | (Jim Ross said his view of Vince McMahon firing Stone Cold Steve Austin) "Well, get your head out of your butt and you'd have a different view!" |
| 36 | [about Debra McMichael] If her skirt were any shorter, it'd be a collar! |
| 37 | [Jim Ross asks why Lawler keeps referring to these fans as idiots and morons] We gave them an IQ test and the results came back negative! |
| 38 | [Jim Ross says he has two daughters] "Not packing enough chromosomes, huh? I'm sorry Ross! |
| 39 | [to Vince McMahon] You're so cheap, you wouldn't even tip a canoe! |
| 40 | A little sex on TV never hurt anyone...unless you fall off! |
| 41 | I saw this guy having a drink in the bathroom before. Then the seat fell down and hit him on the head! |
| 42 | Hey Finkel, the last time I saw something like you, I flushed it! |
| 43 | I've heard of a face that could stop a clock, her face could stop Switzerland's! |
| 44 | I'm not saying that Stu Hart is old, but I hear that Anna Nicole Smith is asking him out on a date. |
| 45 | [after Vince McMahon said Road Dogg can sing as good as well as he can wrestle] Then he won't win many matches! |
| 46 | Vince McMahon thinks Snoop Doggy Dog belongs to Charlie Brown! |
| 47 | [on Alundra Blayze] She's got a million dollar body, but a ten cent face! |
| 48 | Yokozuna is nothing but an ingrate! If it was not for James E. Cornette, Yokozuna would still be on a beach selling shade! |
| 49 | [on Sable, wearing an extremely revealing outfit] I've seen more cotton on the top of an aspirin bottle! |
| 50 | [about a ringside fan on camera] He can pick up cable with those ears! |
| 51 | This bingo hall (ECW Arena) should be built out of toilet paper because there's nothing in it but s**t! |
| 52 | Paul Bearer is so fat, he has his own gravitational pull! |
| 53 | Paul Bearer has more chins than a Chinese phone book! |
| 54 | [on Mankind] That guy is two fries short of a Happy Meal. |
| 55 | [on Ahmed Johnson] He has the IQ of 2 and it takes 3 just to grunt! |
| 56 | Is that Paul Bearer's face, or did his butt grow a nose? |
| 57 | I'm not a racist like Bret Hart, I hate everybody equally! |
| 58 | [Sunny comes to the ring with her chest showing] I don't know what the seven wonders of the world are, but I do know that Sunny has two of them! |
| 59 | [Tazz tells Lawler to say his wise cracks to his face] Tell him to come down and I will tell him how short he is to his face. If I can bend down that far! |
| 60 | Diesel is so stupid, he thought Hamburger Helper came with a person. |
| 61 | This is bad! We should call the police. What's the number for the police around here again? 911-DONUTS or something? |
| 62 | Cheating is only cheating when you get caught. |
| 63 | Mae Young is so old, when David killed Goliath, she called the cops! |
| 64 | Helen Hart is so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was sick. |
| 65 | [a five year old girl cheering Shawn Michaels] Look at her! Now I know why animals eat their young. |
| 66 | Mark Henry just walked in front of me. I thought it was an eclipse! |
| 67 | [Jim Ross implies that Sunny is too young for Lawler] I'm not embarrassed to be seen with younger women, except when I drop them off at school. |
| 68 | Mabel is so huge, when he was a baby, he got baptized at Sea World! |
| 69 | When Sunny was in school she wasn't very good in history, but she was great on dates! |
| 70 | Everytime I look at Luna's face, I think she should put the bag back on. |
| 71 | Women! Can't live with 'em, no resale value. |
| 72 | [talking to Jim Ross prior to a bikini contest] Should Viagra be taken now or, it takes a little while to kick in you know? [Jim Ross says Lawler doesn't need it] "No, I'm talking about you, J.R." |
| 73 | [to X-Pac] If brains were chocolate, he still wouldn't fill an M&M! |
| 74 | [commenting on the movie Congo (1995)] I've seen better film on teeth. |
| 75 | [Terry Funk did a moonsault and hit his leg on the security railing] The only thing harder than Terry Funk's legs are his arteries. |
| 76 | [to Jim Ross] You have diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain!" |
| 77 | Panties aren't the greatest thing in the world, but they're next to them. |
| 78 | I'd like to see things from your point of view JR, but I'd have to get my head out of my rear end. |
| 79 | [Jim Ross mentions that Lawler would be wrestling at a local event] That's right, I'll be there. You know my only regret is that I can't sit out in the audience and watch me. |
| 80 | [talking to Takao Yoshida about foreigners] Statistics prove that somewhere in Japan, a woman gives birth to a baby every four seconds. Now I'm going to go over there and find that woman and put a stop to it so we wouldn't have people like this coming into our country. |
| 81 | [Stone Cold Steve Austin says he'll knock Vince McMahon's teeth out] "I don't think they are real anyway, but I don't think McMahon wants to lose them". |
| 82 | [about Road Dogg] When he was in Desert Storm, he was getting shot at by both sides. |
| 83 | If the Japanese are so smart, why do they eat with sticks? |
| 84 | Andy Kaufman's mom wanted a girl, his father wanted a boy, and they were both satisfied! |
| 85 | You know J.R., obviously the only exercise you get is stretching the truth or jumping to conclusions. |
| 86 | She wants me. I can read her like a book, but I prefer the Braille edition. |
| 87 | [on Owen Hart running away from Stone Cold Steve Austin] Looks like Owen opened up a can of haul-ass! |
| 88 | [when asked if Stu Hart was betting that Owen Hart would win the match] He gave up betting after the Civil War. |
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